Luther at the Movies: I'm Shocked

May 21, 2007

I'm Shocked—Shocked!

—to learn that Sylvester Stallone was ingesting more than a multivitamin, his brand-name pudding, and a metric ton of horsemeat to maintain his physique!

What is your nation coming to when you can't trust a movie star to come clean about his hGH consumption! In my day, we Augustinians were so juiced, I could bench press three cardinals, a bishop, two abbots, and one costello before breakfast without retching!

For you diehard Sly fans, here's a preview snippet from the new John Rambo:

Note once again the Christian penumbra, in the spirit of Rocky Balboa.

Tonsure tip: Empire Online. (I used the YouTube version, as the link provided by Empire had some filthy naughty dirty words.)

# posted by Luther (Doktor) @ 9:51 AM

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: Name: Luther (Doktor); Location: Eisleben, Saxony, Germany

I was born to a brutish miner father and an equally egregious mother who beat me relentlessly for the smallest of infractions, like fibbing or the Peasants War. I paid them back for their cruelty by ruining their hopes of my ever becoming a lawyer, thus robbing them of discounts on personal-injury lawsuits. Instead I entered an Augustinian monastery at age 21. (The legend about a vow to St. Anne during a thunderstorm is a myth, bordering on legend, around the corner and two doors down from a boldface lie.) While trapped in that sewer of false piety, I was given a revelation that brought me the only relief from a tormented conscience and impacted descending colon I had ever known: I was a cold-blooded sinner and there was nothing I could do but throw myself on the mercy of my God, trusting on the merits of Christ alone! Thus was reborn the mighty doctrine of justification by faith. Although alive in Christ, as far as this vale of tears is concerned, I am currently as dead as Chevy Chase's movie career, though I have not let that interfere with a robust drinking and blogging career.

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Luther at the Movies