May 29, 2006
Martin Luther Presents 'This Day in Some History'
This day in history in 1953, Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay reach the summit of Mt. Everest, an accomplishment that benefited mankind by demonstrating the lengths two men would go to avoid the “Ricardos Change Apartments” episode of I Love Lucy. Better to celebrate the accomplishment of Hans Knoffer, who on this day in 1388 invented ear flaps that did not require a hat. The flaps would have made him a rich man had he not insisted on gluing them on with ox drool. The flaps would reemerge in 1873, somewhere in Maine.
This day in history 1988: Ronald Reagan visits Moscow for a fourth summit with Mikhail Gorbachev. Better to remember this day in 1502, when my cousin Wolfgang Luder fell into an open hole and stayed there. I HATED MY COUSIN WOLFGANG! The most annoying man in the Holy Roman Empire! Every July he would visit my family and endlessely recite verses from The Iliad, ending every line with “yeah now.” Sing Goddess the anger of Peleus’s son Achilles yeah now / and it’s devastation that put pains thousandfold on the Achaians yeah now / hurled in their multitudes to the house of Hades strong souls yeah now / and they had fun fun fun till Hektor took Patroklos awa-ay-ay …Who could listen to that every summer and not open a vein with a lobster claw?!
On this day in history in 1977: AJ Foyt becomes the first man to win a fourth Indianapolis 500. In this day in 1540, Czech reformer Stephan Porchik becomes the first man to be convicted of heresy four times for the same offense. In his book The Bishop Wears Prada, Porchik asserted that ecclesiastical authority should be based solely on an ideal height/weight ratio, which would become the basis for the modern BMI. The first bishop elected according to this standard was deposed within 48 hours when it was learned that he wore lifts to compensate for his tendency to retain water.
About nine days before this day in history in 1899, Jacob German becomes the first man in history to be arrested for speeding. He was clocked at 12 mph on Lexington Ave. in New York City. When the taxi driver was asked where the fire was, he replied, "You talkin' to me?" Office Murphy then proceeded to beat German to death. This incident would later form the basis of a major motion picture entitled Gidget Goes Hawaiian.
On this day in 1848, Wisconsin enters the Union. On this day in 1864, Union troops reach Totopotomoy Creek, Virginia. In 1871, Western Union inaugurates its Money Transfer system. In 1903, the first western movie, The Great Train Robbery, is released. In 1966, the Great Gazoo makes his debut in The Flintstones animated TV series—SOMEBODY STOP ME, PLEASE!I am grateful to the historychannel.com, which provided the reference resources that allowed me to make so much of this up.
