Luther at the Movies: Latin for Lutherans

April 27, 2006

Latin for Lutherans

My cretinous clerical assistant has argued—persuasively for once—that it is time for Lutherans everywhere to pick up some choice Latin. While I would rather stick my head in an ox’s rectum before I would return to the sacrilege of the Latin mass, or see the Holy Scriptures sequestered in a dead tongue, I have found that there are no fit substitutes—even in my beloved German—for certain Latinisms.

Word for the day: quia, “because.” I believe the Gospel quia it is true. As opposed to quatenus, “insofar.” I believe the Gospel quatenus it is true.

The difference between the two is the difference between heaven and hell.

I will leave it to my readers to apply this lesson where appropriate. As for me … lunch. Ach! Who ate my Fritos!

# posted by Luther (Doktor) @ 10:12 AM

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: Name: Luther (Doktor); Location: Eisleben, Saxony, Germany

I was born to a brutish miner father and an equally egregious mother who beat me relentlessly for the smallest of infractions, like fibbing or the Peasants War. I paid them back for their cruelty by ruining their hopes of my ever becoming a lawyer, thus robbing them of discounts on personal-injury lawsuits. Instead I entered an Augustinian monastery at age 21. (The legend about a vow to St. Anne during a thunderstorm is a myth, bordering on legend, around the corner and two doors down from a boldface lie.) While trapped in that sewer of false piety, I was given a revelation that brought me the only relief from a tormented conscience and impacted descending colon I had ever known: I was a cold-blooded sinner and there was nothing I could do but throw myself on the mercy of my God, trusting on the merits of Christ alone! Thus was reborn the mighty doctrine of justification by faith. Although alive in Christ, as far as this vale of tears is concerned, I am currently as dead as Chevy Chase's movie career, though I have not let that interfere with a robust drinking and blogging career.

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Luther at the Movies