April 21, 2006
Jerry Maguire, Call Your Office!
I despise Blockbuster! If only I were alive, I would spend every waking moment denouncing this Masonic conspiracy disguised as a video rental retailer! Once again my DVD stopped dead 20 minutes before the end of the movie I was hoping to be merciful to, given the adorable Kirsten Dunst, but Elizabethtown is cretinous nonsense! Why does Orlando Bloom bear no resemblance to ANY OTHER MEMBER OF HIS MISERABLE FAMILY? And why would any business allow a vapid non-presence such as he to squander almost $1 billion—on footwear! And allow me to inform the heathen behind this hideous production—cremation is a sin of the most iniquitous kind, denying the resurrection from the dead, you children of Belial!And will someone please explain to me the ludicrous Susan Sarandon? Should I have been moved to tears when she did her little dance at her dead husband's memorial service? Is this how a respectable wife behaves? She looked like a she-wolf in heat! What did I care for her personal transformation—there was no character established to be transformed! Who was this self-absorbed manic-depressive to begin with? Who wrote this smoking pile of dung?
So, while I was unable to see the last 20 minutes because of yet another Blockbuster DVD constructed by prisoners and mental patients, would it have mattered? Did I care anymore about anyone in this story? Nein!
Netflix, Luther is on his way! (I hope they take Bavarian Express...)
